Dear reader — make yourself comfortable as we’re about to become rather intimately acquainted. You see, we need to broach the rather touchy topic of your bottom and mine, as this is a sensitive issue that affects us all.

It has come to my attention that a certain cohort regularly wipes themselves with wet wipes and then flush them down the toilet. And unlike regular toilet paper, these do not break down. 

You may be in one of two (booty) camps: the wet-wipe users or the wet-wipe novices. If you are a regular wet-wipe user, please keep your tush firmly seated until the end as I have lots to share with you. As for the novices like myself, there is much to learn about the world of wet wipes and clean derrieres.

But first, a story:

Many years ago, when I was a young arts student, I was invited by an older, more mature student to their house for a dinner party. Having never been invited to such an event, I panicked at the bottle shop, unsure which of the many white wines would be a suitable offering. Thus stumped, I chose the most foreign-looking one, with a name I could not pronounce. Was it German? Swiss? I had no idea, but with it I hoped I’d come across as sophisticated. 

The wine was uncorked at dinner and received with a frown from the host. I took a quick sip and realised I had delivered a bottle of sickly-sweet dessert wine. Mortified, I headed to the bathroom to compose myself and it was there I saw for the first time, by the toilet – a packet of wet wipes for general use. The moment is burned in my memory as I couldn’t work out the mechanics of such a product. One wipes oneself and then … flushes it down the toilet? Was this what mature, middle-aged people do?

Now a middle-aged person myself, and having birthed a child and experienced a glittering array of health issues which require a tender touch, I understand the appeal of a soft wet wipe on one’s rear end. But there is the environment to consider. One can’t just go around tenderly touching one’s arsehole with single-use products that contribute to climate change in the hopes that one day all will be forgiven (it won’t, dear reader). 

Billions of wet wipes containing plastic are flushed down toilets every day, causing havoc in our sewer systems and creating foul pollution. Dear reader, know that I am only too sympathetic to those who see wet wipes as a necessary part of their day-to-day life. Every bottom deserves a sensitive solution, but so too does our environment, which is where Cheeky Squirt comes in.

Cheeky Squirt is an ideal product in so many ways. It cleans your bum (check) doesn’t harm the earth (check) and it can be used in septic tanks – for an off-grid-living greenie like myself, this is a big win. Having used Cheeky Squirt for some time, I can now say, hand on bum, it’s a peach. The process is simple: one cheeky squirt on toilet paper as you go about your business and voila, clean as a whistle!

As a wet-wipe novice and bidet-curious individual, it’s been a satisfying journey with Cheeky Squirt, one I would recommend to everyone!

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